Those Advice given by A Dad That Saved Us as a New Dad

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the reality rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct words "You're not in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the stress on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to communicate between men, who still internalise harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "poor actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a trusted person, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."